2:01 Continuing Dexter re-watch from previous cutoff, 10 minutes from the end of s06e01
2:02 If I remember right this lady here is bad news
2:03 Dexter: “auughuuughauuuuguuugh”
I remember I watched this part on the train the first time I saw it
2:04 And that lady didn’t start boobing until someone sat behind me. Like, what the hell, lady?
You’re almost as bad as Lila with inconvenient boob placement.
2:05 And that’s why you always leave a note
2:06 Seriously everyone stop murdering your spouses.
2:07 It causes more problems than it solves. If you need an example, “right now” springs to mind.
2:08 Dexter is a science geek even when killing people. “Thunder is just a noise.” Seriously?
Joey Quinn is a dirtbag. There is no point where this does not bear repeating.
2:09 Just a big ole bag of dirt
You sound like an idiot because you are one big ole idiot
Stop trying to propose to the woman you’ve been dating less than a year
2:10 Travis has a babyface
2:11 Credits. Cue “Blood theme.” Queueing up episode 2.
Anyone mind if I skip past the theme and “previously on?”
I’m going to do it anyway
2:12 PAST TENSE RULES
(Out-of-sequence: I retroactively put the second episode after the jump so it doesn’t flood your dash)
2:13 In which Dexter thinks about bubble baths and Jesus
2:14 If your kid is old enough to talk he is too old to hear your serial killer stories.
Seriously any parenting book will tell you that
2:15 Edward James Almost: “We don’t have a lot of time for being creepy as hell, Travis, if you’re not there to imagine me telling you what to do, nothing gets done.”
2:16 Deb: “Full on breakfast!” Not the worst thing you’ve walked into in a kitchen…
Joey Quinn is a big giant bag of dicks and dirt
2:17 Joey Quinn, please understand, it’s not the RING she has a problem with, it’s the person giving it to her.
The person who she hated up until she started dating him
And pretty much after as well
Who proposed to her after one fucking year
2:18 Anyone who is mad at Deb for saying no to Quinn must have some kind of dirtbag blindness.
Quinn: “Give it a rest” said the pot to the kettle
2:19 Masuka, no one cares about the intern you only hired to look at her boobs. When does creepy video game intern show up again?
2:20 Oh hey Mos Def. I was listening to you earlier today.
As much as I love Batista, Deb totally deserves the Lieutenant job more than he does.
2:21 Whenever Matthews and LaGuerta are in a room together is’s like they broadcast a signal that says “Hey audience! Stop caring for a minute!”
But then Mos Def shows up again and cancels it out
2:22 “When I knew Brother Sam he was Samuel Wright.” Dex, buddy, he’s STILL Samuel Wright. He didn’t change his legal first name to “Brother.”
He may, however, have changed his legal name to “Mos Def,” which I can’t say is less ridiculous.
2:23 Although “Mos Def” is the name I use to test how cool my friends and family are.
I trick them into saying it out loud and if they pronounce it correctly, they are cool.
If they get it wrong then I make fun of them
2:24 Then they learn to say it right and they BECOME cool.
Deb deserves the job more than Batista, and there’s no factor of nepotism there
2:25 Deb should get business cards that say “Debra Morgan: Everybody’s Boss.”
Dex, buddy, come on, your son is like 2 years old. There HAS to be a better time to look through your murder pictures
2:26 Like in five minutes when he’s in bed
Deb has a weird day: The Episode
2:27 Dex really needs to stop narrating in his head, someday he’s going to accidentally say something out loud.
I like Deb’s shirt right now. Purple is a good color with her complexion.
Oh who am I kidding, purple is a good color with EVERY complexion.
2:28 Deb says “I don’t want to be fucking LaGuerta.” Um, phrasing?
Someone somewhere just started “shipping” that.
2:29 This is Travis’ sister’s house. Sometimes he goes there to Trav.
Seriously though watch out Travis’ sister, he’s got a serious case of Edward James Olmos brain
2:30 “You’re working too much, I can see it in your face. You look like Tom Hanks. I barely see you anymore!”
“That was before I’d made a commitment to being creepy as hell.”
2:31 Travis watches An Inconvenient Truth: “Hello, Gore.”
Travis orders a Tuna Sandwich: “Hello, Albacore”
2:32 Travis wants to see some art at a museum: “Hello, Tour”
Travis wants to talk to the police in Bon Temps: “Hello, Bellefleur”
2:33 MOS DEF
HOW YOU FEEL
WHAT YOU WANT
I WANT TO DO IT TO DEATH WHAT’S UP WITH YOU
2:34 “What does Good Shepherd mean?” “Oh I don’t know the giant cross makes me think it might have something to do with math.”
In which Mos Def pulls off glasses that I would be unable to pull off.
2:35 And that’s where babies come from
I have and regularly wear the shirt Dexter has on now
2:36 I’m just going to pretend it’s Creepy Video Game Intern the whole time. The last think Masuka needs is a romantic subplot.
2:37 In which Deb moves into day two of hoping to avoid Quinn’s questions
2:38 Yes, Joey Quinn, the thing that will make you LESS of a dirtbag is to pump her brother who hates you for information on a proposal that clearly upset her
God Joey Quinn your life is like a fart
I would not be sad if you were not a character on the show
2:39 The debate rages on as to whether Angel’s hat is a straw fedora or a porkpye.
I really want a cuban sandwich RIGHT NOW.
“It’s been a long day, Maria, and scenes with you in them drag on forever.”
2:40 I wonder if Mos Def signs his checks “Mos Def”
2:41 I don’t know that I can stay awake for the 20 minutes remaining in the episode.
Maybe I’m in a Dexter mood because it’s so hot right now
2:42 The next Die Hard movie should be called “Die Hard: Back in the Habit.”
Khakis are bad murder clothes.
2:43 They show blood easier than jeans. I only know that because I get injured so often
2:44 It’s like Dexter’s in a constant state of confusion until the last few minutes of episode 11.
Or rather he’s always sure about what’s going on and then wrong until that point
2:45 Brother Sam: “Man, you are terrible at staying back.”
2:46 “Did you go to the Doctor Who school of ‘stay out of this?’ You are just really bad at it.”
2:47 While the bible never specifically mentions neon, I feel like having a glowing neon cross is probably some kind of sin.
“You don’t fight like no lab geek. You fight like a comic book geek.”
2:48 Weeping Angel in Travis and Gellar’s hideout at 38:49
2:49 Edward James Olmos always looks like his body is too tight for him.
2:50 Yes, Joey Quinn, because grand romantic gestures worked so well the last time.
God Joey why are you such an asshole you’re like the hole that is sometimes found in the center of a butt.
2:51 Deb did the right thing by saying no.
2:52 Why does it matter so much if Harrison grows up without religion?
Like, his father is a serial killer, and that might raise issues later on
2:53 But everyone who is pushing him to give Harrison religion is unaware that he’s a serial killer.
Deb asks “Am I making the biggest mistake of my life?” I’m pretty sure that serial killer she almost married was probably a bigger mistake
2:54 Like, no fault of her own, but I feel like that’s a trump card in the mistake department.
Bargle why the hell would you put a Masuka romance scene right before a LaGuerta/Matthews scene
2:55 Like forced romance immediately followed by forced police politics.
Your favorite serial killer drama minus the serial killer and the drama
2:56 Joey asks “What did you say to Deb?” as if Dexter is somehow the reason she said no. I can guarantee you, Joey, that YOU are the reason she said no, because you are the hole sometimes found between the cheeks of the common butt.
2:57 Those of you who don’t watch Dexter must really hate me right about now.
“Yeah, I killed him, so what?!” Not, uh, not helping your case dude.
2:58 “God, the universe, irony… forty-two”
2:59 “Monsters don’t get to live Happily Ever After” I have bad news for Elmo and Cookie.
Babies are really weird
3:00 Honestly those first two pigs probably should have let their brother help them with their houses.
3:01 Not really sure where they got the idea that straw and sticks were better building material than bricks.
Episode over. Cue blood theme. Queueing this up on tumblr, then sleeping.