Raptorific
I go to Temple and enjoy soda. I also like dinosaurs and Batman. I promise, I am not a child.
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im sorry but i dont get how jk rowling doesnt fit with the other three authors in that photoset?
Asked by Anonymous
Her name, like the others, lends itself to a pun. That’s why I included her.
However, a lot of people have gotten all up in a snit because they don’t believe she’s worthy of being included alongside Twain, Fitzgerald, and Hemingway. These people seem to think this is some kind of award or praise, but in reality it’s just authors whose names fit easily into puns. I would never knowingly praise Ernest Hemingway.
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I have too much time on my hands.
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- People who talk about Ernest Hemingway in the same tone of voice as a six-year-old who wants to marry a celebrity
- People who button the bottom button on a long pea coat
- People who, in the same conversation, criticize someone for liking a cover of a song (because the “original is always better”) and mention their love for Bob Dylan (who has stated that Jimi Hendrix’s cover of “All Along the Watchtower” was better than his original)
- People who feel the need to explain to me why Bret Easton Ellis is such a brilliant writer
- People who think “not giving a shit” about what you write and including chapters that are completely unrelated to the rest of the book make someone a brilliant writer
- People who call the Tech Center “club tech” as if it’s an inside joke exclusive to their group of friends
- People who tell you Fight Club is their favorite movie and then, when you roll your eyes at their lack of originality, try to explain why I’m wrong to be sick of hearing about it (using the word “consumerism” no less than six times)
- People who mash up Showtime’s “Dexter” and “Dexter’s Lab” as if they are the first person to arrive at that conclusion. Bonus point if they actually say something like “I can’t believe no one did this yet!” or “I thought it was about time someone put these two things together!”
- People who have strong opinions, positive or negative, about Coldplay
- People who insist that I will love “The Big Bang Theory”
- People who sing Rush’s “Tom Sawyer” in public places
- People who make references to the Rocky Horror Picture Show and then look at me expectantly until I get it (which I do not, because I don’t really care about Rocky Horror)
- People who hate “Glee” but inexplicably still watch it
- People who force you to talk them through your jokes even though they were the only person who didn’t get it
- People who, in any discussion about movies, feel the need to publicly declare how much they hated “Avatar” and then explain why as if no one else in the discussion could have possibly arrived at the same conclusions
- People who insist I should have a smartphone even though I don’t want one, explaining that “it really doesn’t cost that much”
- People who are still quoting “The Hangover” on a regular basis
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thetumblrofdoriangray replied to your post: Things I would do, given access to a time machine:I thoroughly enjoy this list. If you get a time machine, I might have to accompany you just to punch ernest hemingway and help destroy the set of New Girl
amrithamal replied to your post: Things I would do, given access to a time machine:i approve of the hemingway punching
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Note: I’m excluding really obvious stuff like “Punch out John Wilkes Booth” and “Kill baby Hitler,” you know, things that would so severely change history that I’d have to re-take all my history classes.
- Try Coca-Cola while it still had cocaine in it.
- Talk to Mark Twain about how horrible bicycles are.
- Get Arthur Conan Doyle’s opinion on “Sherlock.”
- Punch Ernest Hemingway in his stupid beardy face.
- Find everyone who feels smugly superior for being a “90s kid,” go back, steal them as a baby, and deliver them back to their parents 10 years later (they’d still be babies because Time machine) so they have to grow up in the 2000s.
- Go back in time and do all in my power to prevent the production of “New Girl.”
- Go forward and pick up copies of lots of movies that have not come out yet. (Get on this, Hunger Games fandom)
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It was like God read my mind in the present day, thought “what features would cause Dan to immediately dislike him?” and then went back around 20 years and created THAT EXACT DUDE and set him on a path to one day meet me. The features are as follows:
- Button-down blue-and-white vertically striped shirt, sleeves rolled up, nothing underneath, unbuttoned to halfway down the chest.
- Solid black bandana tied around his head (worn the same way you might see a cartoon gang member wearing one)
- One lone cigarette behind his right ear.
- We were going around the room introducing ourselves with our major and something relating to us and pop culture, and his was “My favorite author is Hemingway.”
Here is why those things bother me. Every part of his appearance is specially designed to make people think he’s tough and manly.
- The shirt is unbuttoned to show his chest hair, making sure that even though a good amount of the people around him have it, everyone knows he has it.
- As previously mentioned, the bandana is commonly associated with gangs, as well as athletes and people who are doing physical labor and need to keep their hair tied back. All these things are associated with either strength or violence.
- Think about the ideas behind having a cigarette behind your ear. If you had other cigarettes, you could assume you might keep them all together, in the pack. If you got it from someone else, I’d think you might smoke it right then (I don’t know the proper etiquette, but when there’s a 7-11 within sight of the class, I would assume it’s bad form to “borrow one for later”), and if you didn’t have time to smoke a cigarette, you probably wouldn’t have asked to borrow one in the first place. Now, I don’t pretend to know the circumstances behind the cigarette, it could have been his last one and he didn’t want to keep the box. If the other three aspects described were not present, I would not have given it a second thought; I actually would have assumed it was his last one and he didn’t have room for the box. However, the clear image he’s trying to project makes me feel like it’s safe to assume he was doing it on purpose.
- Finally, Hemingway. I appreciate Hemingway. He was a misogynist ass and his writing style is boring as hell, but I can understand why he might be present in a literature class. I can even understand why other people might like him. I’ve even enjoyed his works on occasion. But to not only declare him your favorite author, superior in his eyes to every other author he’s ever read, but to use that as your defining characteristic when introducing yourself to a new group of people? The type of person who, when trying to give off an impression of who they are and what they like, uses Hemingway as the template is not the type of person I see myself getting along with.
I’m sure he’s a great guy. I might even talk to him and find he’s super cool and we’ll end up awesome best friends. There’s always a chance of that. However, he made an incredibly bad first impression. Any one of these characteristics individually would be fine, possibly even charming, depending on the person. However, all four of them in one person observed simultaneously upon our first meeting was just unsettling for me.
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