Raptorific
I go to Temple and enjoy soda. I also like dinosaurs and Batman. I promise, I am not a child.
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Everyone make sure to hate Hitler a little more than usual today. It’s his birthday.
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Fair warning: This post is one-third hypothetical “someone had to let him out of that cupboard” realizations, one-third “Why, when they fixed everything, didn’t they go back and do some non-violent damage control in the Hitler department,” and one-third my usual “I refuse to believe Hitler didn’t know he was a monster, and the fact that he kept at it even with this knowledge either makes him an even bigger monster than I thought, or so incredibly stupid that there’s no way he could have gotten as much power as he did” history class pet peeve.
“Mein Führer, how did you get stuck in this closet? It locks from the outside.”
“Some time travelers burst through my window, assaulted me, then locked me in there.”
“Um… okay, where are they now?”
“I don’t know. They made a lot of noise out there, they probably had something important to do.”
“Wait, I’m confused, mein Führer. You expect me to believe that a group of time travelers had Hitler locked in a closet and had something more important to do than that?”
“What are you suggesting, officer?”
“You know we’re pure evil, right? Like, so evil that if people didn’t know we were real, they would think no one could possibly be as evil as us.”
“What?!”
“I’m sorry, I thought you knew. I mean, our national colors are red and black, our symbol looks like a mangled cross, and our police uniforms are covered in spikes and chains and skulls. Pair that with the fact that all the plans you have personally described to me have been about either world domination or mass murder, and you’ve got yourself a pretty clear picture of ‘the bad guys.’”
“Well! I never—”
“I’m just saying that if I was a time traveler and I had you totally at my mercy in a closet, I wouldn’t forget you in there. I’d at least give you a very stern talking to, or at least take you forward into the future where you will inevitably be the most hated man on earth to teach you a lesson. I mean, I’m evil too, so I’m okay with helping you, but honestly, what could be so important that they just left you in a closet?! You don’t just leave Hitler lying around.”
“I knew you’d think I was crazy if I told you this.”
“Sir, you’re Hitler. If you’re insecure about people thinking you’re crazy, I have some very bad news for you.”
For the record, this post is not intended to make light of Hitler, the Nazis, the Holocaust, or any of those horrible things. It just bothers me that they just left him there and never went back. A simple “It’s a fixed point in time, there’s nothing we can do about it” would have sufficed. It just seemed so out-of-character for all three characters to forget about something that important.
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- Don’t make assumptions. You thought this episode would be a mission to kill Hitler and it was actually about why you shouldn’t ask “Why don’t we go back and kill Hitler?” In other words, when you were saying “‘Let’s Kill Hitler’ is a terrible idea,” you were spelling out the implied meaning of the title without even knowing it.
- Watch this. I’m going to dig myself SO DEEP into this “Doctor dead in Utah” hole, and then just as I’m so far down that you’re sure I’m stuck down there forever, I’ll pop up behind you and say “Hey guys! What’s in the hole?”
- Gallifrey Base, the “Everyone is the Rani in disguise” joke has officially gotten old. BUT FEAR NOT. Here’s its replacement.
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Then deleted it. When you talk about Hitler, you play with fire. I’m happy to discuss, but please do it in my ask, off anon, so I can answer privately.
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