Basically I had this idea for a DC animated movie, set in its own isolated continuity. The plot would essentially be this:
Dr. Harleen Quinzel has recently had her license to practice revoked and was fired from Arkham Asylum for engaging in a romantic and sexual relationship with a patient and inmate, the Joker. Falling on some hard financial times, she calls upon her old college roommate, and occasional girlfriend, Dr. Pamela Isley.
Dr. Isley was a prominent botanist and genetic engineer at Powers Industries, until exposure to an experimental mutagen infused her with plant DNA. The main side effects of this were turning her skin green and giving her the ability to synthesize energy from sunlight, but it also left her unable to ingest food normally. Powers Industries let her go to avoid a scandal, and Isley attempted to sue because they’d fired her for a disability that resulted from an accident in the workplace, but they had some of the most powerful attorneys in the world, and she was left unemployed and penniless.
So the two women rekindled their relationship and came up with a business venture: Isley’s last remaining asset was her lab at home, and Harley was an expert in psychiatric medications. Together, they would genetically engineer vegetables that are not only more addictive than cigarettes, but also suppress the instinct to question the ingredients, and compel anyone who eats them to share them with their friends and family and get them hooked as well.
This plan would be a money-making machine that would leave them set for life, and all they needed was some startup money. For this, they turned to the mob, specifically, a new mobster in Gotham who went by the name “Daddy Dark Side.” He gave them a loan, and they used it to purchase a small food truck. The venture was so successful that they were able to pay him back, with interest, within one week.
Daddy Dark Side, however, was not pleased with their repayment. It would, at this point, be revealed that he was actually a puppet bod for Darkseid, an alien warlord who uses a mathematical formula known as Anti-Life to force people to do his bidding. As it turns out, Famous Ivy’s “organic” wraps left anyone who ate them immune to Anti-Life, and beyond Darkseid’s grasp.
As a result, Darkseid hopes to kill Harley and Ivy and destroy their truck until the wraps were out of everyone’s systems and he could once again control whoever he liked.
Harley and Ivy, acting quickly, isolate the part of the vegetables which create an immunity to anti-life, and create a strain of incredibly potent vegetables that will, over the course of a few weeks, replace all vegetation on earth with identical vegetation that shields the population from Anti-Life.
This frees all of Darkseid’s followers from his thrall, and leaves him powerless on earth. Since his vessel’s power is derived from the people he controls, it simply gives out and dies.
However, even though Harley and Ivy are safe, the fact that everyone on earth is eating their vegetables eventually builds up a tolerance, and soon enough, their truck starts losing money. However, they have a new plan for how to stay afloat: They don costumes and embark on a life of crime.
(character references: Natalie Dormer for Harley and Kari Byron for Ivy)
I was sending snapchats to Casey while I was waiting too meet up with my girlfriend, except I don’t know how to use snapchat or a cell phone, so when he sent me a reply, I tried to send him a picture back but I accidentally took a screenshot and like four seconds later I got a selfie from him looking mortified that just said “I TRUSTED YOU”
The first dummy tried to row his gondola down the wrong side of a canal, which had a pole in it to prevent gondolas from passing in that direction.
The second dummy tried to row down the correct path, but couldn’t manage it because the first dummy was in the way.
The third dummy was trying to avoid this situation by turning, but it didn’t occur to him to start this process until after he was already wedged between the wall and the first dummy, which just tilted all three dummies back towards the pole and somehow managed to get them even more stuck.
The fourth dummy is me, who stood on that balcony and watched this situation transpire for a full 15 minutes as three pretend gondoliers continued to row their pretend gondolas without noticing they weren’t moving forward at all.
Sometimes I think movie theater employees hate me because I always stay and watch all the credits, even if I know for a fact there isn’t anything after them
But then I remember the horror stories Casey has told me about blowjobs and drug deals and bodily excretions outside of the proper receptacles, and suddenly my habit of sitting in the chair I’ve paid to sit in and looking at the screen I’ve paid to look at doesn’t seem so obtrusive
wow we suck
At least we’re cute, right?